sorrow · drips · into · your · heart · through · a · pinhole

Yes, I am still alive.

Home still sucks a lot. Work has been kind of tense. Lately my friends find nothing I do to be acceptable. So the only time I'm content lately is hanging out with Charlie. Too bad I only do that once or twice a week.

Friday was the wedding of Chris and Minta. I left work early and managed to do mine and Tyree's hair and make it to the church on time. I'm so glad Tyree drove and I chose hairstyles for both of us that stood up to the wind. Minta looked great and Chris didn't even seem nervous. The church service started late because in the rush to get Minta to the church, the wedding dress was left behind. After the service Tyree and I stopped at the coffeehouse and got some french press coffee(seriously, if you've never had coffee from a french press you're missing out) which we badly needed as we were sort of dragging ass. The reception was at Crystal Gardens along with two other wedding receptions. I'm pretty sure Chris and Minta had planned to do things at the reception a little differently than usual, but were sort of bullied into a typical wedding reception. To me the best part of the reception was when the priest was giving the blessing and our table could clearly hear "Desert Rose"(the Sting song with the crazy yodelling) and it was all we could do not to laugh out loud. Other than that, just the usual wedding stuff. Angelo and Frank came up later and we got lots of pictures of the coffeehouse group.

Today(or yesterday if you want to get technical) we set out for the cider mill a little later than we originally planned. Angelo borrowed his family's full sized van. Admission was kind of steep, but we knew that ahead of time. First stop was the petting farm which had an adorable little baby goat. Tyree and Jeff weren't up for the corn maze, so Angelo and I went in without them. I enjoyed the fact that you don't just find your way through, they give you a punch card and you go through and find the different shaped hole punchers all over the maze. If you had at least six you got a prize. We had five punches and tried really hard to find the last one, but after visiting all of the ones we had twice we decided to quit. We went through this haunted house which was mostly pitch black and at one point you go squeeze through these inflatable walls. It reminded us of a birthing canal. Next we grabbed some cider and donuts and got attacked by bees. Good times overall.

We went to City Club and I decided I wanted to try a clove cigarette, so Angelo bought a pack. After we finished our first round of drinks we broke them out. It wasn't any better than a regular cigarette for me. It was so strange. There was smoke drifting towards my face and I was like "eew, get it away" and then it dawns on me that it's coming from MY cigarette. I felt a little queasy later on. Not the best time tonight, but not terrible either.

I should get some sleep. I have another first date tomorrow! Here's hoping my lungs won't be too angry with me.

Tonight I'm going over Charlie's and he's making dinner. I believe he said lamb was on the menu. Score! He's going to all that trouble for me, so I bought him a small tin of spiced plumb tea leaves from the coffeehouse. Hope he likes it.

I don't want to give too many details yet because I want to tell my friends in person, but the date went well. We met up at a coffeehouse. I couldn't believe how quite I was. It's all good, though. He likes to talk. We went for a long walk and I got to see Noir Leather. I did end up going back to his house, but first I gave Tyree the address so everyone would know where to look for my remains. Making out was a lot of fun and he was very respectful.

It's all good.

I just cleaned the fuck out of my car!

So far so good with the new job. I'm the only white person. I hope that when they're comfortable with me I get picked on for this. I'd love it if they called me token or cracker or I'd even settle for whitey. I love that when the patients are gone the doctor walks around without her shoes.

The office is terribly unorganized and I can't wait to get my hands on everything and get it in order. It's going to take a while, but I'm up to the task. Next week I'll be working half days Tuesday and Thursday and 9-5 the rest of the week. On full days I get a 30 paid break. No time cards, either. I'm on the honor system. I'm so glad to be kept busy at work again!

The forecast was correct. It did rain daily. Everyone brought a fan, but it was quite cool in New Era and we left the fans unused in the corner. I would have loved to hang up the hammock, have a fire every night and just spend more time outdoors in general, but I was prepared to spend a lot of time indoors. I did some reading, some writing, but mostly played a LOT of The Bard's Tale. I didn't finish the game, but I think I came close. Tyree was very kind to let me mostly take over her PS2. We went for ice cream a couple of times, managed to swim a few times and almost constantly had a movie on. I finally got to see Hanibal Rising and rather enjoyed it. I went to the winery with Ty and Marisa, but the wine we planned on buying several bottles of was sold out. We didn't feel like petting wet goats, so we didn't visit the petting zoo. e bought way too much food like we always do. Marisa made an awesome dinner every night.

I had a bad dream each night. Almost like my subconscious was mocking me saying, "You are NOT ok!" It was really difficult to fall asleep the last night we were there, which really sucked because we had to have the cabin clean and haul out of there by 10:00 the next morning. We ate at Bennigan's on the way home and thankfully did not meet any traffic jams. Good times. You never know what's going to come out of Verne's mouth and he's a really funny guy. I thought Elise was annoying when she was little, but she grew up to be pretty cool.

I tried to nap when I came home, but it didn't work. I finished reading The Bell Jar instead. Then I dragged my tired ass to the coffeehouse where we met up and went to City Club. That was fucking crazy. It was Roman's birthday and there were these brightly colored balloons everywhere which looked really out of place. He was giving out vip bracelets and I was surprised to get one. It entitled me to go up on the stage and have cake and free jello shots. I only had two. There were so many people there! Angelo and I ended up leaving before close.

Chris and Minta's wedding shower was this morning, so I still didn't get to catch up on sleep. I don't think I've been to one before and it was kind of weird to be there. I didn't realize only women were invited. The other women at the table were talking about their husbands, babies...Tyree and I were trying to keep our vulgar jokes quiet. The food was pretty damn good. When Minta got up to start opening presents I had to supress the urge to yell, "Show us your boobs!" I didn't know how well it would go over with Chris's mom. She already thinks of me as some dirty skank who got her son drunk. They got a shit ton of presents. That included four of the same blender and three of the same iron. Minta was under a lot of pressure and she must be so glad to have it over with. I wonder how they got all those presents home.

Tomorrow is my first day at the new office. I'm a little nervous about it, but anxiety seems to be status quo for me lately. I sometimes wonder if I have a problem. Here I go spending so much time worrying, I've finally gotten to the point of worrying how much I worry.

I'm home. And too tired to concentrate. Must try to nap. Going out tonight. Pictures/trip summary later.

Packing took a lot longer than I expected. Probably because I took a while to work up the energy. Now I can't sleep. I hate this! I'm tired all day and now it's 1:00 and I'm wide awake.

Oh, well. I can catch up on sleep on the trip. We leave tomorrow morning around 9. I doubt my phone will get a signal, so for the next week I will be unreachable.

My boss was rather nice when I told him. He said he understood. Said he was glad I found another job. Wished me the best of luck.

I still have very little to do my last two days. I've been on the computer so much lately the internet is starting to bore me.

My cats were fighting over a box this morning and I took pictures. I might put them in photobucket when I get home. They're cute.

2 more days!

I saw by the calendar this morning that my uncle will be staying the weekend. He's a good guy, but he'll be spending all weekend chain smoking and "fixing" the computer. This will increase my mother's cigarette intake. My allergies have been flaring up already. Maybe preparing for the trip will get me out of the house and away from the smoke.

Today is the day I must decide which job to take. I'm really leaning towards the physical therapy/pain management office in Lincoln Park. The only deal breaker is if they offer crappy pay. It's four days a week, so hopefully they would make up for it with a higher pay rate.

After work I went to visit with Virginia and her son wants me to do special effects makeup for a project he's doing. Good thing I recently bought some liquid latex to mess with! I'm very excited to be a part of something theatrical again.

I come home to find a message from yet ANOTHER office asking for an interview. It's bloody amazing, isn't it?

Looks like I'm having dinner with Tyree and Marisa tonight.

Tomorrow I get paid and get Ty her belated birthday present! I'm not sure what I want to get for Marisa yet(they have the same birthday).

So after 10 months of fruitless job searching today I am faced with two job offers.

Yesterday after work I had sort of an impromptu interview at an office in Lincoln Park (right on the border of it by Melvindale 5 minute drive tops) for a pain management doctor and a physical therapist. She asked me to come back Friday to get into the "nitty gritty" and I wasn't sure if that meant I got it. The woman who set that up for me calls me and informs me, yes, I did get it. The practice is just starting out and it would be a great opportunity because I would essentially be an office manager. When things went well enough they would pay for me to learn medical billing. It would be 4 days a week. We haven't discussed pay rate yet.

This morning I recieved a call from the OBGYN office asking when I can start. It's full time $10 an hour(kinda lame) and the benefits are excellent, but expensive. The office already established. I told them I would call them tomorrow around 2:00.

I can't believe this!